[Author's note: This post is a downer. Feel free not to read it, but I just had to write SOMETHING for my own good and I may as well post it somewhere]
It's hard to even type right now. I'm beginning to wonder how much rotten luck can happen to one extended family. In '05, my grandma on my dad's side of the family took ill and passed. Last summer, I lost a great aunt and a great uncle on my mom's side, both of whom were quite close to me. Figuring bad things always happen in threes, my optimistic side figured we were done for a while.
I just got off the phone with my mom; her brother had a massive heart attack and didn't survive the ambulance ride to the hospital. Even though he was a lifelong smoker, he seemed to be in great health for his age aside from a bum hip. Apparently not. Unbeknown to us, he went to the doctor several weeks ago, was diagnosed with a heart condition and decided not to tell anyone, not even his wife or grown children. Apparently he didn't want to "worry" them. Evidently, it was pretty bad and had been progressing for some time -- he went three years without ever going to a f--ing doctor. Look where it got him.
(Sorry if this whole post is a mess, I'm not thinking too clearly right now)
At least with the other deaths, there was time to come to grips with it. We had months' worth of warning on all of them and it was almost a relief when they finally exited this plane of existence. Not so with this one. Four kids, the youngest of whom is 21, not to mention his wife and a whole lot of brothers, sisters, nieces, and nephews who loved him. They're not planning on a big funeral, just something private, but it bugs me to no end that I'm stuck out here 2000 miles away from every relative I have. I'm starting to really wonder why I moved this far away from home.
On the plus side, last Christmas we got all of my mom's side of the family together at his house for the first time in years. I remember him saying something about needing to do that, since you never know who won't be there by next Christmas. Turns out it was the last time I ever saw him. I HATE being this far away from everyone, I just fucking hate it. At most, I get to see these people once or twice a year.
EVERYBODY -- call your mom, call your dad, call your brother, call your sister, your aunt, your uncle, anybody. Don't take it for granted.
Why the hell am I typing this on an internet forum? I don't even know. I was actually surfing my forums when I got the call; as soon as I hung up, I just clicked and started to type. Honestly, it helps.
Now I've got to figure out how to call my aunt and cousins. I don't even know what to say -- what do you say to somebody who just lost their dad/husband? I don't know if I should let it go for a day and try it tomorrow; I'm scared I'll turn into a blubbering mess as soon as I dial the phone.
If you'll excuse me, I'm off to the kitchen to pour myself a shot.
