Topic: Selling Minivans

[Stephen M]

The car guy has two principle responsibilities (in the eyes of the non-car guy, that is). The first is to expertly diagnose any intermittent automotive ailment, based on made-up words and indescribable noises.

"The steering feels skoovy and makes a "gfnah gfnaw" noise sometimes when it's cold."

The diagnosis must include a repair cost estimate accurate to within 5% at an unspecified mechanic of unknowable ethics. The second, somewhat more pleasant responsibility is giving recommendations to anyone looking to purchase a new vehicle. This duty has been made somewhat easier over the past few decades, thanks to huge, across-the-board advances in utility, safety, reliability, and performance. And although it sounds like an auto-rag cop-out, it is true that there are market segments with no bad choices. All I usually need are a few quick answers about desired price range, size, features, and clarification of any national origin biases ("Would it be okay if your 'German/Japanese' car was built in the US?"). It was in the context of this second duty that a friend recently laid out the following requirements for a vehicle to replace their aging Pacifica...

Continued here

[Ultra]

The problem has been identified and will be addressed to no one's satisfaction. 

Good read.  Thanks for the contribution. 

[MG]

aging Pacifica

Good Lord!  I didn't think they'd been around long enough for any of them to be "aging!"   

Why not just get another Pacifica?

I frankly don't know what turned in the consumers' psyche to make minivans such anathma. They ARE a hugely practical vehicle, which is why they became so popular in the first place. I guess they became so overwhelming associated with women driving kids around that guys must feel there penises shrink whenever they get behind the wheel.  Rich would know more about that than Its got to have something to do with that whole truck/suv "mine's bigger than yours" bullshit.   

In any event, it appears you did the best you could. An Escalade would fit the bill, I suppose or the new Durango with the HEMI with cylinder de-activation. But to fit his requirements EXACTLY (since awd was not one of the criteria) I would pick the Sienna/Odyssey twins as the best available on the market at the present time.

[Stephen M]

'twas actually the female half of the couple that made the "no minivans" restriction. A replacement Pacifica was ruled out for (probably justified) concerns about long term reliability. The current one seems to have developed some transmission quirks.

[Rich]

Truth, the MPV the missus and I drove for a couple of years before we ended up NEEDING (emphasis intended) something w/ more grunt and payload was an incredibly useful vehicle, and one of few I have come to miss.  Got great mileage, wildly practical, ginormous cargo capacity, the kids LOVED it, and I guess I was secure enough in my manhood to use it w/o hesitation.

[Arthur Dent]

They might be ok with the Nissan Quest - funky enough styling that its not a generic bland box like the Sienna.

[MG]

I guess I was secure enough in my manhood to use it w/o hesitation.

So, what happened?   

[Boxer2500]

A lot of people look at me kind of funny when I say this, but I could totally see myself in a minivan. Better on gas than a truck, can haul bikes, skis, kayaks, whatever, and pop the seats out and an air mattress inflates nicely in the back. It could be the perfect road trip rig... and kids are nowhere in my near future.

[Rich]

I guess I was secure enough in my manhood to use it w/o hesitation.

So, what happened?   

I needed something w/ more grunt for a 27' travel trailer, mountain bikes, generator, wood, etc., etc., ad infinitum.....

BTW, I still use my manhood w/o hesitation...

[MG]

I still use my manhood w/o hesitation...

Hopefully NOT while with patients. Trimming your toenails  may be OK in selected circumstances, but......well, I just don't want to go there.

Merry Chrismas, you old bastard!   

[Rich]

I still use my manhood w/o hesitation...

Hopefully NOT while with patients. Trimming your toenails  may be OK in selected circumstances, but......well, I just don't want to go there.

Merry Chrismas, you old bastard!   

I am NOT old.

[MG]

One does not NEED to be old to be an old bastard!     

Merry Christmas, you {_________________________}  (fill in the blank).

[Boxer2500]

One does not NEED to be old to be an old bastard!     

Reminds me of this song, incidentally titled Bastard...

The old bastard left his ties and his suit
A brown box, mothballs and bowling shoes
and his opinion so you'd never have to choose
Pretty soon, you'll be an old bastard too
You get smaller while the world gets big
The more you know you know you don't know shit
The whiz man'll never fit you like the whiz kid did

So why you gotta act like you know when you don't know?
It's okay if you don't know everything
Why you gotta act like you know when you don't know?
It's okay if you don't know everything

Close your eyes close your ears young man
You've seen and heard all an old man can
Spread the facts on the floor like a fan
throw away the ones that make you feel bad

Kids today gettin' old too fast
they can't wait to grow up so they can get some ass
They get nostalgic about the last ten years
before the last ten years have passed

why you gotta act like you know when you don't know?
It's okay if you don't know everything
Why you gotta act like you know when you don't know?
It's okay if you don't know everything

Tears land on a hand on the chest
The old bastard had a paradigm arrest

You got smaller and the world got big
The more you knew we knew we didn't know shit
The whiz man never fit him the whiz kid did

Why you gotta act like you know when you don't know?
cause It's okay if you don't know everything
Why you gotta act like you know when you don't know?
It's okay if you don't know everything